A sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor.
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered,
"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone
I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!"
the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back." http://xfunpak.blogspot.com/
___________________________________________________________________________________
An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector .
The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"All right, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.
The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Principal to student... : " Tomorrow call your parents especially mother and father
(Any other options???)
Class teacher once said :
"Pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"
(Who??? paper or student???)
Once Hindi teacher said...."I'm going out of the world to America..."
(hmmm...interesting)
"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK..."
(Topsyturvy)
Don't laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....
(Grrr....this person needs Basic Communication Skills Class Room Training)
It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. And then she said
"why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)
(New Discovery!!!)
Teacher in a furious mood...
Write down your name and father of your name!!
(Excuse me...)
"Shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"
(Gr8...is he a satellite or sumthing???)
"I'll illustrate what I have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board
(What an illustration...I like this professor)
"Will you hang that calendar or else I'll HANG MYSELF"
(Well, you can proceed, would U like to leave a note behind as well...)
LIBRARIAN SCOLDED," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN, I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"
(That will be better....)
Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...
"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"
(No Comments...!!!)
"Why are you looking at the monkeys outside when I am in the class?!"
(Because we want to check similarities Smile )
Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code...
"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??
(In terms of 1's n 0's)
Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class,
"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"
(2 minz of silence)
The master told the students who were notorious.
"Hey, from tomorrow onwards you both come together separately"
(Make it possible and I will reward my life time savings...)
Master to his students "Do you know? I have 2 daughters. Both are girls!!!"
(You need some counselling dude...)
Hindi master to his students by pointing his scooter that is parked under a tree,
"See there.My scooter is understanding the tree!!!"
(Wow... )
master rocks again,
"Okay guys, all of you stand in a straight circle!"
(Wow what an oxymoron...)
__________________________________________________________________________________
The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:
1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty,
2) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high,
3) Overcharging fees to many clients,
4) Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case.
The list goes on for quite a while. The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, "Wait, I have done some charity also in my life."
St. Peter looks in his book and says, "Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?"
The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, "Yes."
St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, "Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell."
___________________________________________________________________________________
A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul,
he must answer two questions:
1.Name two days of the week that begin
with "T".
2.How many seconds are in a year?
The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,etc..."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Now some people are really stupid!!!! Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die.This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.A lady died this past January, and ICICI Bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been Rs.0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around Rs.6000.00. A family member placed a call to ICICI Bank.
Here is the exchange : Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'
ICICI Bank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections. '
ICICI Bank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
ICICI Bank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'
Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'
ICICI Bank: 'Excuse me?'
Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part bout her being dead?'
ICICI Bank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a Rs.0 balance.'
ICICI Bank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
ICICI Bank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'
Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)
ICICI Bank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'
Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given ) After they got the fax :
ICICI Bank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'
Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'
ICICI Bank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'
(What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'
ICICI Bank: 'That might help...'
Family Member: Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Avinashi, Coimbatore
ICICI Bank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'
Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'
___________________________________________________________________________________
Hari’s Friend: Yaar,
Last Year The Name Plate Outside Your House
Read : Hari, B.A.
This Year It Reads Hari, M.A.
When Did You Finish Your Masters Degree?
Hari: You Don’t Understand.
Last Year My Wife Died,
I Put B.A. To Indicate “Bachelor Again”.
Then I Took A Second Wife, So M.A. Is “Married Again”.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Nurse: Papuji mubarak ho app haikay ghar Beta peda hua ..
Papuji khush hotay huye.. oyee science nay Kitni tarakki kar li
*
*
*
*
*
*
biwi Idhar hospital Main hai aur beta Ghar pe Paida hogaya
___________________________________________________________________________________
Teacher:kal tum ne chutti keun ki?
Student:sir!ghar may bohat zarori kaam tha!
Teacher:O I C.......!
Student:ALLAH di qasam O nhi I C..
___________________________________________________________________________________
The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"
"Hello, is this FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.
The phone rings at Tom's house. "Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yeah they did." "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
__________________________________________________________________________________
Three men find themselves on a deserted island after their ship foundered in a storm.
One day, they are walking along the shore when they find an old bottle half buried in the mud.
One of the men picks it up and rubs the mud away.
PFOOOP – out jumps a genie
“For freeing me after all this time, I grant each of you ONE wish!”
- Gee, the first guy says, I wish I was back home with my family in New York”
PFOOOP .... and he is gone.
- Waw, says the second guy, I’ve always wanted to go to Hawai !
PFOOOP .... and he is gone too.
- Oh, the third one says, it’s kind of lonely up here now, wish my two friends were back here with me !
PFOOOP .... PFOOOP .... !!!!
___________________________________________________________________________________
A Singh goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Mr. Singh, what are you doing?" To this the man replies,
"Oye, see the board here ---" Wash Basin ".
The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered,
"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone
I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!"
the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?"
"The scoundrel called back." http://xfunpak.blogspot.com/
___________________________________________________________________________________
An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector .
The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"All right, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.
The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Principal to student... : " Tomorrow call your parents especially mother and father
(Any other options???)
Class teacher once said :
"Pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"
(Who??? paper or student???)
Once Hindi teacher said...."I'm going out of the world to America..."
(hmmm...interesting)
"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK..."
(Topsyturvy)
Don't laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down.....
(Grrr....this person needs Basic Communication Skills Class Room Training)
It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. And then she said
"why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)
(New Discovery!!!)
Teacher in a furious mood...
Write down your name and father of your name!!
(Excuse me...)
"Shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college"
(Gr8...is he a satellite or sumthing???)
"I'll illustrate what I have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board
(What an illustration...I like this professor)
"Will you hang that calendar or else I'll HANG MYSELF"
(Well, you can proceed, would U like to leave a note behind as well...)
LIBRARIAN SCOLDED," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN, I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"
(That will be better....)
Chemistry HOD comes and tells us...
"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"
(No Comments...!!!)
"Why are you looking at the monkeys outside when I am in the class?!"
(Because we want to check similarities Smile )
Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code...
"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??
(In terms of 1's n 0's)
Seeing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class,
"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"
(2 minz of silence)
The master told the students who were notorious.
"Hey, from tomorrow onwards you both come together separately"
(Make it possible and I will reward my life time savings...)
Master to his students "Do you know? I have 2 daughters. Both are girls!!!"
(You need some counselling dude...)
Hindi master to his students by pointing his scooter that is parked under a tree,
"See there.My scooter is understanding the tree!!!"
(Wow... )
master rocks again,
"Okay guys, all of you stand in a straight circle!"
(Wow what an oxymoron...)
__________________________________________________________________________________
The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:
1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty,
2) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high,
3) Overcharging fees to many clients,
4) Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case.
The list goes on for quite a while. The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, "Wait, I have done some charity also in my life."
St. Peter looks in his book and says, "Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?"
The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, "Yes."
St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, "Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell."
___________________________________________________________________________________
A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul,
he must answer two questions:
1.Name two days of the week that begin
with "T".
2.How many seconds are in a year?
The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,etc..."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Now some people are really stupid!!!! Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die.This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.A lady died this past January, and ICICI Bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been Rs.0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around Rs.6000.00. A family member placed a call to ICICI Bank.
Here is the exchange : Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'
ICICI Bank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections. '
ICICI Bank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'
ICICI Bank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'
Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'
ICICI Bank: 'Excuse me?'
Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part bout her being dead?'
ICICI Bank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a Rs.0 balance.'
ICICI Bank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'
Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'
ICICI Bank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'
Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)
ICICI Bank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'
Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given ) After they got the fax :
ICICI Bank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'
Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'
ICICI Bank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'
(What is wrong with these people?!?)
Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'
ICICI Bank: 'That might help...'
Family Member: Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Avinashi, Coimbatore
ICICI Bank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'
Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'
___________________________________________________________________________________
Hari’s Friend: Yaar,
Last Year The Name Plate Outside Your House
Read : Hari, B.A.
This Year It Reads Hari, M.A.
When Did You Finish Your Masters Degree?
Hari: You Don’t Understand.
Last Year My Wife Died,
I Put B.A. To Indicate “Bachelor Again”.
Then I Took A Second Wife, So M.A. Is “Married Again”.
___________________________________________________________________________________
Nurse: Papuji mubarak ho app haikay ghar Beta peda hua ..
Papuji khush hotay huye.. oyee science nay Kitni tarakki kar li
*
*
*
*
*
*
biwi Idhar hospital Main hai aur beta Ghar pe Paida hogaya
___________________________________________________________________________________
Teacher:kal tum ne chutti keun ki?
Student:sir!ghar may bohat zarori kaam tha!
Teacher:O I C.......!
Student:ALLAH di qasam O nhi I C..
___________________________________________________________________________________
The phone rings at FBI headquarters. "Hello?"
"Hello, is this FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."
"This will be noted."
Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.
The phone rings at Tom's house. "Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yeah they did." "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
__________________________________________________________________________________
Three men find themselves on a deserted island after their ship foundered in a storm.
One day, they are walking along the shore when they find an old bottle half buried in the mud.
One of the men picks it up and rubs the mud away.
PFOOOP – out jumps a genie
“For freeing me after all this time, I grant each of you ONE wish!”
- Gee, the first guy says, I wish I was back home with my family in New York”
PFOOOP .... and he is gone.
- Waw, says the second guy, I’ve always wanted to go to Hawai !
PFOOOP .... and he is gone too.
- Oh, the third one says, it’s kind of lonely up here now, wish my two friends were back here with me !
PFOOOP .... PFOOOP .... !!!!
___________________________________________________________________________________
A Singh goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Mr. Singh, what are you doing?" To this the man replies,
"Oye, see the board here ---" Wash Basin ".
0 comments:
Post a Comment